When God Says No

The resistance to the word No in response to your desire manifests itself at a very young age, doesn't it?  It's one of the first signs of a toddler's growing independence.  Unfortunately, it's something that you never completely mature out of, even as an adult.  Some times, when God says No, it's fairly easy to understand why - perhaps that financial windfall would have led to a sense of pride, or that A on a test that you didn't study for would encourage your tendency towards procrastination and lack of self-discipline.  But the hardest Nos to hear are when you desire a good thing.  I recently went through a miscarriage that tore my heart up.  As soon as I began to sense that things were not going normally, I fell to my knees in serious prayer - asking God for a miracle, desperately asking that he might allow me to keep the baby that I already loved and wanted.  These fervent prayers and frantic pleas lasted for days.  The utter stillness and quiet tormented me.  Eventually, though, God provided an answer, and that answer was No.  I don't understand why, right now, and my heart still hurts.  But what I do know, and what I hold onto, is to be found in the Word of the Lord.

For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

Graeme's Birth Story

I so wanted to have this put down in writing, but I didn't want to actually do it.  How's that for not making sense? lol  But my need to document things outweighed my laziness, so here it is (drumroll, please): Graeme Paul's Birth Story

My seventh pregnancy was incredibly easy and blissful.  It was problem and nearly-symptom free, despite being Advanced Maternal Age.  Until the last three weeks.  It was still problem free, from a medical perspective, but I totally lost it.  I think that Elle's early birth at 38 weeks made me erroneously assume that this little guy would also arrive before his due date.  That mindset made the days, as I hit and passed 38 weeks, then 39 weeks, and then my due date, feel interminably long.  Even though I knew in my head that it wouldn't last forever and it would seem like no big deal after he finally arrived, whenever that would be, my emotions got the best of me.  I was so miserable, and on top of that, I felt guilty for feeling miserable because baby and I were healthy.  I just wanted to go into hiding as October 2nd (my EDD) came and went.  My OB did not want me to go past 41 weeks, and, after a lot of back and forth, at 40 weeks 4 days, I did something I had promised myself I would never do again.  I was so desperate that I decided to try the Castor Oil (dun, dun, duuun).  I had used it before with Ian, and it had (maybe, obviously you can never be 100% sure) worked.  There were definitely unpleasant side effects, but I went into labor a few hours after I took it.  So, I threw my better judgement to the wind, but somewhat cautiously, only opting for a small dose at about 10am on Tuesday, October 6th, hoping that at least it'd make me dilate or efface a bit more for my 2:00 OB appointment.  After swigging down 1 ounce of castor oil mixed with orange juice, I waited.  And was met with crickets.  It didn't really do anything.  I gave up, frustrated, and consigned myself to making my first "overdue" OB appointment.  Pretty quickly after climbing into bed for my afternoon nap around 12:30 I started feeling sick to my stomach.  Ah, the dreaded castor oil had finally worked its evil magic.  I visited the restroom several times and feared for the drive down to my OB's office (would I be able to make it without pit stops?).  James arrived to pick me up at about 1:00 and off we went, with a planned stop necessary for James to do some work on the way to my appointment, we headed off around 1:15 or so.  About ten minutes into our drive, a contraction hit.  Now, I'd been having contractions for weeks, sometimes even rhythmical for a while, so I didn't put too much stock in it.  Plus it was short, only about 30 seconds, tops.  About 3 to 4 minutes later, another contraction hit, slightly stronger.  And so it continued, extremely patterned, and progressively stronger, for the next 15 minutes or so.  He stopped at his work stop and those minutes he was inside their office felt like forever.  At that point, it was time to turn around and lean over the truck seat.  When James came back out and saw that I had assumed the "position", he made a call to my OB's office, who instructed us to skip the appointment and go straight to Labor and Delivery.  Then he made a second call to my doula, who would meet us at the hospital.  The 15 minute drive to the hospital took forever.  The pains were already very intense, but I remember thinking that it probably looked funny to everyone driving down State Street to see the woman kneeling on the front seat and moaning (did we hit every possible stoplight?  it felt like it).  At about 2:00, we finally arrived in the hospital and the walk from the parking garage into the hospital and through the main lobby and up to the second floor was hard - I hate not being in control and I wasn't completely in control at that point and I was crying because of the pain (and I had to use the restroom again).  We were immediately admitted into a triage room and they checked me and I was 5cm dilated and 100% effaced - definitely in labor.  And, at that point, the pain subsided a bit, and I worried that I would have to have some augmentation.  But no worries, after a 30 minute stay in the triage area, I was led to my room, and labor shifted into high gear quickly.  I was required to have a heplock, as a VBAC patient, and my veins are tricky.  Which meant that it took three different nurses about 6 attempts in multiple places on both arms another 30 minutes, while I'm in very active labor, to try and get the IV in.  After blowing up some veins and leaving me with some spectacular bruises, success!, although it had to be placed on top of my hand, unfortunately.  I was handling labor well at this point, standing up, with the support of James and my doula.  But my legs were trembling and felt very tired, so we had to move to some different positions.  This proved to be my undoing.  I just could not get comfortable.  I tried the birth ball, the toilet, kneeling - none of it provided any relief.  The worst of it was the intense need to pee - it must have been how he was positioned, but I felt like I continually had to go to the bathroom (nothing there, though), but I knew it wasn't the rectal pressure of full dilatation.  And my L&D nurse did a quick exam in one of those positions and, after an hour of hard, regular contractions, the news that I hadn't dilated anymore was positively crushing to my desire to do things unmedicated.  At this point, I asked for the epidural.  My doula suggested that now might be the time to consider the nitrous oxide.  I readily agreed.  It helped a bit, for the in between contraction part, but did nothing for the pain of the contractions.  I asked for the epidural again, but the epidural requires that you be given two bags of IV fluids before administration.  Upon my loudly-expressed desire, they started the fluids, but everyone in the room (even me, although I just needed reassurance that they were at least TRYING to get me the epidural) knew that I was going to deliver before an epidural could happen.  I tried to block that knowledge out and finally climbed into bed with the peanut ball in between my legs and held onto that nitrous mask as if it was my lifeline.  In fact, post-delivery, the bridge of my nose was super sore and it took me a while to figure out that that was from pushing the nitrous mask so hard into my face.  The time from that point out is a complete and total blur - it could have been minutes, or it could have been hours.  I felt completely out of my mind.  I just hovered as far away as I could from the events that were transpiring as a way to cope with the trauma of the intense pain.  I vaguely remember my OB coming in, but not much else.  I was finally instructed that I need to move from my side to my back (a Herculean effort, if ever I've experienced one) to start pushing.  Now, here finally was what I was waiting for - the desire to feel the urge to push, which I'd never experience before.  And, it was nothing like I expected it to be.  I felt a desire, alright, but more a desire to just escape the pressure that had engulfed my entire nether regions.  Pushing didn't bring me relief, per se, I just did what I was told to do, hoping that they were right.  It took a long time - I found out after the fact that his head was huge (98% percentile), but then he was also broad-shouldered, and so he didn't slide out easily, and I had to work hard to pass both areas, but he arrived at 5:26 pm, about three and a half hours after I checked into L&D.  The doctor laid him on my stomach and I remember feeling slightly disgruntled about that, which was definitely a first for me.  The pain (without an epidural, pushing out the placenta was unpleasant, I found) had left me shell shocked and traumatized, and all I wanted was to be able to feel like myself again.  I didn't experience the euphoria or empowerment I'd heard you're "supposed" to experience after natural birth and I didn't feel the immediate bond and love that I'd had with my other kids - my brain remained in its numb state for a good thirty minutes after delivery.  The kids came in pretty quickly to meet their little brother, and everything was still a bit fuzzy for me.  We even forgot to take family pictures, which is something I've done every time.  Everyone except Graeme and I left to go have dinner and then the baby care nurses came in and did his assessment.  I enjoyed the peace and quiet at that moment and was finally starting to feel more like myself.  He weighed in at a (for me) whopping 8lbs8oz (my previous largest baby was a 42 weeker at 7lbs11oz) and was 20 inches long.

In reflection, I feel almost as shocked by my first natural (the hospital staff considered nitrous usage to be still classified as a "natural" birth, I'm sure others disagree, but whatever you want to classify it as, it was definitely a non-epidural birth) birth as I did by my unexpected c-section with my first.  It was a wildly different experience than I'd dreamed it to be, and from what I heard nearly every other woman describe it as.  I felt traumatized by it, mentally foggy, and not entirely present.  My brain handled the pain by withdrawing from the situation and that lasted clear through the actually delivery part, which I didn't expect.  People usually cite wanting to be fully present as a reason for seeking a natural childbirth, and the irony of this birth was that I actually felt LESS present than in any of my other previous births.  I entered into this animal-like state of existence, and wasn't fully cognizant of what was going on around me.  I feel a bit like a non-participant in Graeme's birth.  Clearly, I'm going to have to work through some stuff, and my feelings of trauma have lessened already as two weeks have gone by.  I absolutely adore my little boy now (way more than I have with previous newborns), but I feel like an anomaly - a woman that desperately wanted, but ended up hating natural childbirth.  In fact, it kind of makes me feel guilty typing that out!  But, the take away, as always, is that I've learned more about the world and more about myself.  And my precious son is worth it.

C'est la vie!

Life gets in the way of things like blogging sometimes, doesn't it?  Oh well, the only reset that's too late is the one that never happens!  So here I am again.  I won't make any fantastic promises, and I'm not planning on trying to catch up.  I'm just going to let my blog be what it will be.  The end and amen.

Summer is coming to a close quickly.  We've spent the week thus far doing doctors and dentists appointments, cleaning up from our camping trip, and starting back-to-school shopping (I always have grandiose plans to get this done ahead of time, but inevitably I wait til the week before - I think I'm in denial prior to that).  I'm excited for Fall: cooler temperatures, football season, all my favorite scents, colors, and flavors, a more structured family life in terms of school being back in session, and, for the first time in all my 16 years of child-bearing, a brand new Fall baby (something I've always wanted but have never had!).  Bring it on, I say!

A pretty sky view from our front yard

33 weeks and holding

Camping fun at Badger Creek

My biggest girls

Cecily Meets Grandpa

The circumstances that brought us to Wisconsin were very sad (we lost my Gramma Stieve unexpectedly) but the visit was most definitely a blessing. Two weeks ago Ceci and I ventured onto a plane for the long trip to visit family. It was a very satisfying trip as Cecily got to meet all sorts of new family members, including Grandpa, for the first time. She was at the perfect age to enjoy being the center of lots of adult attention (not so much for a plane ride though - man, she was a handful). We didn't take many pictures due to the somber circumstances, but I did manage to get a few. I'm ready to make a mid-year resolution: I will not let time get away from me so badly ever again and wait so long to make it back "home" to visit again. Oh, and in honor of Gramma, who was so very loved, James has agreed to my request to give this baby her middle name (apparently the name she much preferred to her first) as a second middle name. The first and first middle names are still a surprise but her full name will be E___ K___ Jane Fife.

One Last Big Concert

Saturday marked one more milestone down on the way to babyland - the last concert I needed to play in before giving birth. We played two movements of a string quartet for a Boise State composition major's Senior Recital and it went very well. It seems like I'm always playing something while I'm in the last trimester and this time was no exception. I enjoyed it immensely (which is good since it was a volunteer effort LOL) but I'm very glad it's done. I couldn't have handled many more late night and early morning rehearsals. On a strictly-pregnancy note, I had my doctor's appointment this morning and am dilated to 3cm. This sounds promising, but unfortunately doesn't mean a whole lot in my case. I have an appointment for next Monday, so we'll see how that goes. The magic number that will get me admitted to the hospital is 5cm. Now, I know, I'm too early for that and I definitely want this baby born in May, but early May rather than mid-May would be fine with me. :-)

Mad Good

I have a new craving - McDonald's sweet tea. They just introduced it here and so you get a huge 32 oz cup for only $1. It arrived just in time for me to wean off of diet sodas in preparation for nursing. It's crazy good and it comes in an insulated cups so the ice cubes don't melt, so I get to chew on them after the sweet tea is gone (bad, I know). Now I'm sure that Southern purists would have a fit with my plebian tastes, but you know what, I'm a Northern girl through and through, so I'm easy to please when it comes to tea. On a more serious note, I had my fetal fibronectin test today and it came back negative which means that I will almost certainly not go into labor in the next two weeks. They still want me on modified bedrest and pelvic rest, and I will be seeing my OB weekly from here on out, but it's definitely good news.

I've Officially Lost It

Okay, I have now entered the phase of pregnancy that is just downright scary. I'm a raging lunatic ;-P You never know what might set me off. James just received a lovely phone call from me an hour ago because he bought the wrong kind of ham. Literally I yelled for 30 seconds about ham. (((SIGH))) This too shall pass, right?! Today was my first two week visit. She went ahead and checked me because I told her about all the contractions I've been having, and just as suspected, things are progressing. I'm 1.5 centimeters dilated at 32 weeks 5 days. The nurse practitioner kind of panicked about it and said I would need to go over to the hospital for monitoring, but I told her that I started dilating early with Ian and she checked my records and indeed I was 1-2 cm at 33 weeks back then. So she's ordered a fetal fibronectin test for tomorrow (it predicts if a patient will go into labor within two weeks) and modified bedrest (ie take it easy) and pelvic rest until 35 weeks (yeah right) if the test comes back negative. Fun times! And just so you don't have to stare at a solitary picture of the offending ham (yes, I pulled it out of the fridge to take a picture, I have a point about it being totally gross, don't I?) I included one of the boys playing together yesterday. Sometimes I suspect they might actually like each other. Gotta love the mess they created too, although to their credit they did clean it up last night.

The Best Ultrasound

Today was baby day! Cecily is officially vertex and the placenta is nice and high. The amniotic fluid levels were right in the middle of normal and the ultrasound estimated her weight to be 3lbs 9 oz, which is right on for almost 31 weeks. Best of all, the u/s tech did a quicky 3D/4D scan of her face because she was just in a perfect position. She pushed her lips in and out for us a few times. We got a very short DVD of the 3D/4D scan as well, so hopefully when James gets home tonight he can figure out how to add it to the blog. Although baby is doing well I'm not the best - I have a lot of fluid on my ears so the doctor wrote me a prescription for some antibiotics. I sure hope it works. In honor of St. Patrick's Day, everyone in the house (except for James, now that I think about it) has been wearing green. I think I'll go one step further and request a Shamrock shake tonight. You know, just getting in the spirit LOL.

Girls Suck!

Okay, I'm completely kidding, but man, this pregnancy has been a bazillion times harder than Colin's or Ian's. I dunno, maybe it has something to do with the fact that I've been sick for two weeks now, that I'm feeling that end-of-the-road psychosis LOL. We get to see our little bean again tomorrow on ultrasound - the doctor wants to make sure the placenta has moved all the way up. I'm *thinking* that she's finally flipped head down too. I hope I'm right because I'll feel like a total dork if I get it wrong after so much pregnancy experience. The nursery is almost completely done - we bought curtains and rods this weekend. Now we just have to put them up and then I hope to pick up some purple ribbon to accent the white crib bedding. James, Colin, and I stopped into a new baby boutique on Sunday and I was in heaven - it had all high-end brands and they carried the Skip Hop City Chic diaper bag I've been dreaming of but had only seen online. But they had other cute ones too, so now I'll have to decide what I want LOL. Lots of exciting things are coming up - tomorrow is my last monthly appointment, I'll be going every two weeks from tomorrow until the end of April. Then Wednesday is our hospital tour. We definitely need to get that done because I have no idea where the Labor & Delivery area even is at St. Luke's Meridian, where we will be delivering for the first time. We are still tentatively hoping to take a Spring Break jaunt over to the coast. I know, a 9 hour car ride with four kids while 8 months pregnant should be loads of fun, right?! At this point anything to get out of the house sounds pretty good though. Thank goodness the weather seems to have turned a corner. The kids enjoyed some outside playtime and bike-riding this weekend.

Holy Hugeness Batman & Random Stuff

I had to share a picture because I am GINORMOUS. It's the time of year when I list kids' summer clothes on eBay and I was attempting to take pictures on the ottoman in the living room and it was so hard because my belly is in the way. Sometimes it's hard to believe I'm only 29 weeks and still have 10 weeks to go (although at other times that doesn't seem long enough). Now, James has been through this five times, so you'd think he'd be a veritable expert about what not to say to a pregnant wife, but noooo, what comes out of his mouth last night? "Man, your butt is getting bigger - it must be trying to balance out your belly". Seriously, man, come on! But anyways, on to the promised "random stuff", today is String Festival. I have a full afternoon and evening of judging ahead of me, but how serendipitous is this - I've been sick as a dog for the last week and my ears are so plugged up that I can't hear very well. Sounds perfect huh? Besides the regular stress of getting my students ready, for the first time Hero is performing. I've been pushing her pretty hard, I hope she can work it all out in therapy someday LOL. What is up with the weather, I ask? On Monday it was almost 70 degrees and absolutely gorgeous, and yesterday and today there is snow on the ground! Gross, gross, and more gross. I am SO over winter. Finally, happy birthday to Dad - wish we could be there and we hope you have a good one.

Two Digits

We are nearing the finish line - I have less than 100 days left to go til D-Day. Tomorrow will be 26 weeks, which means I'm nearing the end of the 2nd trimester as well. Where has the time gone?! At least the weather is trying to keep May at bay - we woke up to snow and icy roads this morning. Last weekend we primed and repainted Allegra's old room for the boys. The walls are a tan color and we switched over their light fixture. It was such a pain to move the furniture into the new room because we had to disassemble it, but it is done and it looks quite cute. Colin is doing okay with the transition into his big boy bed. He does spend some time wandering around the room and yesterday he unloaded ALL the drawers in the dressers and trundle so I spent quite a bit of time refolding and sorting clothes, but I guess that's all part of the process. Our upstairs is still quite a disaster though as most of Allegra's belongings are out in the hallway - we plan to prime her room (she and Cecily will be sharing) on Saturday and hopefully paint it on Sunday. I'll share pictures of both rooms when they are done. P.S. Happy Day After Your Birthday, Mom!

Nesting

I'm sure it's a bit early to nest, but it literally takes months to get ready for adding a new baby to our already busy household. James finds it very amusing and annoying at the same time (mostly because it means shopping LOL). We are planning to switch the boys' room and Allegra's room (she'll be sharing with Cecily) in February, and hopefully we'll get to prime at least one of the rooms for painting next weekend. Because I can't do much getting ready in the actual nursery until the painting is done I've focused on her other needs. We sold our bassinet at our garage sale last fall, so we knew we needed another one, but I just wasn't finding one that I liked. Then I saw a playard at Babies 'R Us that was in a beautiful brown and pink cherry blossom print with a bassinet attachment and changing table. How perfect is that - now we can use it as a bassinet in our room plus as a changing table (we used to just use the top of our dresser, but it's too tall for me anyways). We bought it last night, and I was so excited that I couldn't even wait for James to get home with the kids from Awana to assemble it, so I did it myself. I can't believe that our baby girl will be here in just over 100 days!

Doctor's Appointment

On Tuesday was another doctor's appointment and ultrasound - we hit the 6 months mark this week! All of the sudden the "honeymoon" phase of pregnancy is over - I'm feeling very uncomfortable, tight, and unable to breathe. So, although I'm definitely not ready to meet this little babe yet, May seems SO far away. Indeed the baby is still emphatically a girl (whew!) and she was very stubborn during the ultrasound so it took a while to get the necessary pictures of her cord, abdomen, and heart, but everything looks good. My next appointment is scheduled for February 13th. I've included a very poorly lit picture of me, but it's the only one I have, so at least you can see my new haircut. I also have, more importantly, an u/s pic of Cecily. You can see her forehead, nose, and lips, with yet again a hand above her face.

So Cute

Okay, I know I'm going way overboard, but I can't help it. Look at the swing we bought for the baby this past weekend. Isn't it the most adorable thing? We probably could've gotten by with our old swing, but every little girl needs a princessy-looking swing, right? Hopefully she'll use it a lot, is all I can say LOL. We have an ultrasound to see Cecily again tomorrow, which I'm very much looking forward to. Oh, and tomorrow's the Inauguration, of course, which should be quite exciting. And this is a bit off-topic, but I wanted to share: the message in church on Sunday seemed very timely. It was out of 1st Thessalonians and Pastor Dave spoke about cultivating an attitude of gratitude despite circumstances. I felt that spot-on for these tough times. 1st Thessalonians 5:14-21: We exhort you, brothers, admonish the disorderly, encourage the fainthearted, support the weak, be patient toward all. See that no one returns evil for evil to anyone, but always follow after that which is good, for one another, and for all. Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus toward you. Don't quench the Spirit. Don't despise prophecies. Test all things, and hold firmly that which is good.

Over Halfway There

I can't believe that this pregnancy is over half done! Here's my most recent picture from Christmas Day - I was 19 weeks exactly. I'm 21 weeks today and I've really grown - I'll have to take a new picture (not to mention the fact that I have a new haircut and color). The baby moves quite frequently now and is starting to show her little personality. We've decided for sure on her first name, which will be Cecily (Ian thought we said Sesame LOL). I have a front-runner for the middle name, but I still have to work on James. ;-) She's moving around a lot, and we get to see her on ultrasound again the week after next, which I always look forward to. I've been buying a few things here and there but we made our first bigger registry purchase today. We had a 15% off coupon to Babies 'R Us, so I told James he could get anything that was on our registry and this is what he brought home tonight. Isn't it just the cutest? Okay, I will admit, I'm going crazy for the baby girl stuff - you'd never think I already had two daughters LOL.

It's a...

GIRL!!! I cannot believe that after two baby boys in a row we are expecting a baby girl as our tiebreaker. It was clear as day from the ultrasound and she looked oh-so-adorable (of course). I can't wait to look at baby girl stuff again. Now we have to start thinking names...

More Baby Pics

I can't believe how fast time is flying (as cliche as I know that sounds). Tomorrow I'll be 17 weeks pregnant and then on December 19th (9 days!!!) we have our big ultrasound where we'll find out whether our tiebreaker baby will be a boy or a girl. I think current odds are 80% boy/20% girl. We've gotten to see the little one via ultrasound a few times due to the sequential screening test. I've included a picture from the last ultrasound we had on the day before Thanksgiving - I love how, in the top picture, the baby has his or her foot crossed on top of one knee (you can see the little toes). We purchased a fetal heartbeat doppler several weeks ago, so we've been listening to the baby's heartrate (usually in the 150s) lots. Lately the baby has gotten more active and you can feel him or her moving from the outside. I can't wait to find out the gender, because I haven't bought anything for baby yet and I'm itching to go shopping. Here's also a belly picture from Sunday at 16 weeks 3 days.

Bump Watch & Ramblings

I've determined to be a more active poster, and I think I've suceeded so far (well, in quantity at least, if not in quality LOL). First of all, I had to share some belly pics. I can truly say there's nothing like a 5th child to make you truly balloon out at a downright alarming rate. These pictures were from last Friday - I was 12 weeks 1 day. I've only gained 1 pound so far, so I'm not sure what's going on in there LOL. The first picture is a better photo, but the angle makes me look much bigger in the second, so I had to include that one.



Okay, on to the promised Ramblings portion of today's posts. We live in a world designed for people who are not short. As a 5'1" woman I've grown accustomed to the fact that counters are too high, pants are too long, and God forbid I need something from a top rack in a store. Most of the time I'm okay with this, but I think it's time to start penalizing tall people for being, well, tall. I'm so tired of sitting behind really tall people at events and having to do the back and forth head swivel so that I can see what is going on. Just like there's been talk about charging morbidly obese people for two seats, I think they should make anyone over 6ft buy the seat directly behind them so that I don't get shafted anymore. What is prompting this vitriol, you ask? Well last night we all enjoyed Disney on Ice but most of my pictures didn't turn out since I couldn't see a freakin' thing due to the giant in front of me (hey, I get called munchkin often, so I don't think giant constitutes hate speech). Okay, okay, I'm kidding (kind of), but I know that anyone who is short or has sat behind someone really tall at an expensive venue totally knows what I mean. And for some more ramblings, I made cookies this morning. I don't have much time for housewifey things anymore between the kids, activities, and work, but it made me happy to squeeze it in (and Ian loves the cookies, which is no small feat). Ooh, and I almost forgot, I bought Harry Connick Jr's (love 'im) new Christmas album. I have the first and love it and when I saw the new one in Costco I couldn't resist. It's already playing in the car, which is pathetic in a way, but oh well, when you're 30 it doesn't matter what people think of you, right?

Introducing Our Newest Family Member...

On Halloween we finally got to "meet" the newest member of our family, baby #5. He or she was happily bopping around in there on the ultrasound. We watched the bean move its hands and rhythmically bob its little head back and forth. He or she also had a nice strong heartbeat of 162bpm. Best of all, the bean measured big so my due date was moved up to May 21st! Today we are at 12 weeks, so one more week to go in the 1st trimester and under 200 days to go total. I expect that I'll be starting to feel the little one moving in the next two weeks if my previous pregnancies are any clue and I can't wait! I have another u/s scheduled for next week as a part of the standard genetic-screening test. Everyone we know thinks its a boy, and we totally agree. As a matter of fact we generally refer to the bean as "he". If they don't say "It's a boy" in the u/s room in December there are going to be some dropped jaws for sure LOL. We love you Fife #5!