Monday, March 5, 2012
It's taken forever, but we finally got to watch Fireproof. It was a good movie, although I can't say it had the same impact on us that Courageous did because our marriage is in a good place right now. But there's always room for improvement when it comes to love, and the part of the movie that spoke to me the most was talking about the unconditional love that God has for us, and that that is what our earthly love is supposed to be modelled after. I don't think society expects marital love to be like that at all. In an online discussion about whether you love your children or your spouse more, I kept seeing over and over again that your love for your spouse is conditional and can be withdrawn, whereas the love for your children is unconditional and ever-enduring. It was even suggested that anyone who loves their spouse more than their children isn't fit to be a parent. I've thought about it a lot, and I'm going to put it out there - I love my husband more than I love my children. Is that shocking? I mean it to be, because I want to get your attention. Let me explain what I mean. My children take priority over my spouse. Their needs must be met first at this point in their loves, because they are completely dependent upon me. In a life or death situation, if I could only chose between saving my child or my spouse I would save my child first, because I am solely responsible for them right now (and I hope James would do the same). The love for my children is pure and deep. It's a biological imperative. But my love for my husband is a choice. It requires deepest commitment and persistence. Our children are the physical manifestation of that love (a huge part of the reason we have six kids, and wish we could have six more). It took that love to create them, and I feel it is of the utmost importance to continue to nurture that original union. I chose James, and he chose me, and God designed both of us to be together. A little aside here - Hero was watching Titanic on TV and really enjoyed it (you'd have to be pretty cold-hearted not too, although I know it's not the most critically acclaimed film) and I caught snippets of it, including the end and I wanted to tell Hero - YOU can have that kind of love - it's very real and I know that because your father and I have that kind of love. Now, back to my main train of thought - nearly everyone loves their children with all their heart and soul, forever. Enduring love for your spouse is much more rare, and, because of that, all the more precious. Just as your love for your second child does not diminish your love for your first child - the extraordinary value of my love for my partner adds to my love for my kids. To bring it back to what I started with, James and I also purchased the beautiful Love Dare book and have started our forty day challenge today. As a companion to my regular blog posts, I want to share our Dare progress (and maybe I can even convince James to share a bit too).