Thursday, November 29, 2012

Why I'm "That" Mom

Hero, in standard skating garb, which she wears a lot of the time anyways.

I don't exert a lot of control over what my teenager wears.  I know that's unfathomable to some.  I control what I buy for her, certainly, but I try my best not to control what she wears to fit MY sense of taste and decorum.  There are boundaries that cannot be crossed, of course (I have had to pull the "you will not leave my house in that" card a few times), but outside of those, I try my best to leave it up to her discretion.  I think that that might put me on the fringe, for someone who has pretty strict standards for herself.  Most blogs I read have mom working hard to make sure that her daughters live and dress exactly like herself.  But that just doesn't sit right with me.  I mean, I hope my daughters grow up to dress in a way that is something I like seeing.  But, forcing the issue is antithetical to me.  I want my childrens' eventual, mature (although, of course, we are always growing) relationship with God to be one not borne out of habit and environment.  I want it to be something intensely personal.  I don't want them to substitute going to church, tradition, style of dress, holding a certain set of morals, or behaving in a certain way for real, true faith.  And so, I allow my teen to develop her own style, to decide what makes HER feel beautiful and confident and empowered.  It's a thousand times more important to me that she learn to be obedient and committed to Christ than that she wear a hemline or neckline of a certain length. 


Serena said...

By the time that I was Hero's age I had lived in two very different cultures - Israel/Middle East (ultra conservative dress code for most women) and Brasil/South America (scandalously immodest attire for most women). Quite extreme ends of the spectrum when it comes to this issue of style and modesty! Obviously, I landed somewhere in the middle. Our family's motto was always, "If it ain't for sale, don't advertise it." Heart attitudes are so often reflected (though, I admit, are also sometimes masked) by wardrobe. Style is a very personal issue, but modesty is a community issue. As Christians, we must be very cautious about how our dress affects others. One of my daughters is highly sensitive in this area and is often mortified when she sees a woman's "crack" (cleavage) showing...especially women at church. She has often asked in disbelief, "Why would she show that, Mom?" If that's a young girl's attitude...I wonder what the young men are thinking?! YIKES.

By the way - I don't know your older two girls very well, but I absolutely LOVE the styles that your youngest two daughters sport at church on Sundays! In fact, just a couple of weeks ago, Julie Berggren and I were commenting that we both needed fashion advice from Miss Cecily! Love that girl!!!