Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Tell Me This Person Doesn't Exist?!

Is there such thing as a natural knack for waiting?  I don't know.  Maybe it's like the mythical unicorn.  If there is that person, well, I have yet to meet him or her, that's for sure.  Not only do I not have a natural talent for waiting, I would say that even my carefully cultivated patience skills are still mediocre at best.  And I have an independence problem.  Like that infamous toddler I too often have the mindset that says "I do it myself".  And boy oh boy.  This does NOT work when it comes to being a Pre-Field Missionary.  There is no "doing it yourself".  Raising your own salary and ministry funds for the duration of your missionary career?  Yeah, that's not happening without some SERIOUS God movement.  And I'm good at action (well, provided it doesn't involve phoning people.  I hate actually calling people on the phone so much.  If you are an introvert you understand this perfectly).  But waiting, pas tellement.  So, six weeks into this missionary journey, and yes, the waiting is the hardest test, thus far, that the Lord has put me through.  I see the photos of the folks already there, and I hear the prayer requests detailing the desperate need.  And I have to fight the voice bubbling below the surface that wants to say "Well, God, WE could be there helping.  Don't you want us there?  Didn't you call us there?  Don't we desire a good thing?".  And, on the lowest days, I simply can do little more than pray the prayer of desperation, "Lord, help my unbelief".  And He does.  I mean, of course He does.  I know that, really I do.  But sometimes that head knowledge fails to penetrate this fickle, deceitful heart.  The following Scripture, shared yesterday in our Pre-Field group, is a new one for me, not one that I return to over and over again for strength and patience, but it must might have to become one as we continue on this journey.  I share in hopes that it might speak to your own soul today or tomorrow, or whenever you are weary of this beautiful, vexatious human life.